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TIME WAITS FOR NO WOMAN

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31 days down so far.

19 days until the student visa runs out.

__ days until someone sponsors me.

__ days until <3.

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THE HOLIDAY BONUS: DÍA DE ASTURIAS

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by multicultural festivity enthusiasts Dan and Dídima

Welcome back to The Holiday Bonus: The feature where we show you the best part of adding another cultural perspective to your creative team. Namely, turning their holidays into office parties. (Check out the previous features on Wizards Kings Day and San Agustín.) Up today: Día de Asturias!

Asturias is the one that's comfortably far from France, but uncomfortably close to Portugal. Also, it's yellow.

Asturias, Dídima's homeland, is a region in the Northern coastal part of Spain. Because regions in Spain have pretty distinct identities, the Spanish people all love being from their neck of the woods just as much as they love being Spanish--probably more even. It would be like if America was made up of all Texases. (I'll pause while you shudder.) Obviously this has some downsides (like the fact that Barcelona insists on speaking their region's crappy step-child version of Spanish, Catalan), but not for you, American employer! Oh no, for you this is pure upside: adding Dídima to a team not only means you can celebrate Spanish holidays, but Asturian holidays too! Let's break down their big day, and ask that question for the ages:

How can we turn this into an office party?

First some quick background. Asturias Day, September 8, is focused on celebrating traditional Asturian stuff. It's a place of forests, mountains, the sea, dairy farms, and sidra (apple cider). I guess what I'm trying to convey in a nice way is that it's sort of country. There are definitely some good-sized cities (Oviedo, Gijon), but if you're going to celebrate tradition, you're going to focus on stuff like music, meals, old school carnival games, and getting totally shit-faced. Now, most of this you won't easily replicate in your office. I mean, do you know somebody who plays bagpipes or somebody who makes a mean tortilla patata or somebody who works leather or blows glass? (Yeah? Well get off the internet and hang out with that person.) But the real key to Día de Asturias is pride. To make a successful party, you gotta go all in and pretend you're an artisan cheese maker slash lumberjack who can pour sidra with the best of them. Nay, not pretend--believe. You must become an artisan cheese maker slash lumberjack who can pour sidra with the best of them!

The Costumes
Traditional Asturian dress, please. That means this:



Wear your costume with pride! Dance! Be merry!

The Libations
Okay, time for a crash course in sidra. Sidra is a carbonated alcoholic beverage derived from apples. It's kind of a big deal in Asturias. They seriously have places dedicated to serving it. Which in itself is a very specific practice. Here's a dude showing the proper way to pour:

Avoid looking directly into the eyes.

And here's me fucking it up:

Fig A: Stupid American.

A pro sidra pourer takes your glass and puts the sidra bottle as high as possible over his head, pouring directly down into the tilted vessel. Traditionally everybody at the table shares the same cup, so you drink the whole thing in one gulp (only like an inch of the cup is filled), then get the pro server to refill for your friend's turn.

Here's me showing the proper way to drink:

Any Asturias Day depends on sidra. There's no greater measure of pride than drinking for your country! (/Your autonomous region within your country!) Obviously the US doesn't make sidra proper, but you can always amass some six packs of Strongbow or Woodchuck Draft Cider. I can't say it's really the same thing, but it is related, and it will get you, ahem, inebriated.

The Food
Asturians are proud of their cheese, cured meats, jams, bread, and deserts. You should eat all those things. But if you're going to do this celebration with pride, you have to eat Fabada Asturiana. It's just their thing. Here's a recipe for the culinarily inclined. It takes some time and skill though. Nobody said pride was easy. (Just ask Ricky Martin.)

The Activities
You watched the costume video, right? Do that. It's easier after you practice the sidra ritual a couple times. Remember that Asturias Day oftentimes takes the form of a festival/carnival-like atmosphere, so here's what else to do:

Bottle fishing game with your empties:

Winner gets to pour.

Woodland games (optional. See this.)

Singing! If I had to describe Asturias in a song, I wouldn't, because it's already been done for me: I promise this is worth your time.

But let's keep it traditional. Presenting, Asturias patria querida (their anthem):

Asturias, Patria querida, Asturias, de mis amores,
Asturias, my beloved homeland, Asturias, of my loves,

İQuién estuviera en Asturias en todas las ocasiones!
Lucky he who could be in Asturias all the time!

Tengo de subir al árbol, tengo de coger la flor,
I have to climb the tree, I have to pick the flower

y dársela a mi morena que la ponga en el balcón,
and give it to my brunette so she puts it on her balcony,

Que la ponga en el balcón, que la deje de poner,
May she put it on her balcony, let her put it there,

tengo de subir al árbol y la flor he de coger.
I have to climb the tree and I have to pick the flower.


(100% serious.)

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THE FOREIGNER'S DILEMMA

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To work here I need a work visa.

To get a work visa I need work.

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FASHION: YOUR FUTURE, MY PAST

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You would think that being a girl from Europe I should know about fashion, style and clothes. Ok, you're right. I will share in this blog section all this fashion ability that I have in my spanish blood. As you know the fashion gap between Europe and America is about two years. So basically, I can tell you what will be cool before it's cool here. (I am not a fortune teller, I just have Spanish contacts) 

And here is my first question for you: What is wrong about denim jackets? Why not denim jackets? I don't understand why people don't wear them. It's completely normal (trust me, I'm European. We make the rules about these things). Denim exists besides pants (yes, america, yes). Then, if you stopped using denim jackets in the 80's maybe you should consider wearing them again. Recycling can be an option (it is understandable if you can't because of size problems with age, ugly patches, or your mom probably threw it away). Denim jackets are a great garment during Spring and Autumn time. Maybe all the time if you live in SF. It is perfect for a casual attire. Because it matches with almost with everything (skirts, casual dresses, nice dresses, shorts...) and colors.  

But just being a denim jacket doesn't always make it acceptable. Sorry to the owner of this jacket or if you found a photo of your mom wearing something similar, but it's an absolute no. If you find something like that, never buy it. If you have it, burn it or give it to Good Will, or save it for a theme party about bad denim jackets. 

Hey and don't forget to roll up the sleeves to give it more of an edge. Much cooler, of course. 

If you were wondering, distressed and bedazzled denim jackets, obviously no. They weren't cool, aren't cool and never will be cool. 

Wearing a denim jacket with jeans or a denim skirt is not that ok. But if you do (are you Canadian?), never use different tonalities of denim, please… 

So those are the basic rules for denim jackets. It has already been cool about two years in Spain, so it should be the perfect time to start wearing them here. Here is a photo of me,my two-year-old  jacket,  my friend Raquel and a cute kitty.

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NOW PLAYING

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For good or bad here is the first part of the playlist that I am creating. If you know me you would say "it is very Dídima," and if you don't you would get an idea.

I love music. I am better at listening than playing it. I used to play the piano and the drums. When I work I need to listen to music, it helps me to get inspired. Sometimes the inspiration requires listening to the same song over and over (I didn't kill any yet…at least not for me). 

I decided to share with Spotify (something really European too). If you don't have it, sorry. If you do, great, you can listen to it. And if you have the premium, much better for you without listening to this painful advertising. (Can you believe sometimes advertising is not that good?!)

Click here to listen the playlist on Spotify: visa

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DEAR GOD, I'M SO SCREWED.

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by trans-culturalist communications theologians Dan and Dídima

Every day in advertising brings new challenges. (We're assuming here. We don't have jobs yet.) To get through it, you need a lot to be going your way. Hard work, persistence and luck are all great, but even those aren't always enough. Some times it takes divine intervention.

Now, to restate, we're not technically in the ad industry yet, but we've hung around plenty of people who are. If they're any indication, ad folks aren't always on the best terms with the man upstairs. When you need that divine intervention, but you're not exactly on a first-name basis with Big G, fear not, the Spanish have a solution for you: go through an intermediary.

Every day happens to be some saint's day: a day on which they're totally in tune with the holy spirit (sort like it's their birthday, and heaven's throwing the party). You just have to know which saint's day it is, and that's your man. Beg him to give your heavenly wishes some wings.

So how do you know which saint to turn to when the the office descends into chaos?
Easy. You consult your Advertising Saints Prayer Calendar, which you got by clicking here:

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IF ONLY THERE WERE A SHORTCUT...

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IF ONLY IT WERE THIS EASY...

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WHERE'S WORKVISA?

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Click to play! (Winner gets to hire me.)

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DÍDIMA READS, PROFOUNDLY

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by linguistic enthusiast guest blogger Dan Ahern

For this week's edition of Dídima Reads: An Audiobook Series, we're featuring a classic work of linguistic genius. Sure, everybody enjoyed Spot Loves His Mommy, but we at Dídima Reads felt like it was time for a more stimulating, challenging piece of literature. We really wanted to push the boundaries of what a voice, a tone, an inflection--a reader--could bring to the rich oral tradition of auditory splendor that is the English language. You could say this one had a higher cultural purpose, even. And so, we humbly submit to you, listener, the latest in the audiobook series:

Sheep in a Jeep by Nancy Shaw

You may download this audiobook here.

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DIDIMA: THE GAME

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Gaming is the next big thing in advertising. We wanted to get onboard this trend ASAP. This was the best technological accomplishment we were capable of.

(Press play for sound)

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NEW INVENTION: THE MOOD CASE

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Mood affects your work and your relationship. Obviously you know your own mood, but maybe it's better to know somebody else's mood, and avoid some problems. In the same way that the mood ring works, completely magic, the mood case changes its color depending on a person's mood.

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THE HOLIDAY BONUS: SAN AGUSTÍN

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This guy! Amirite?!

Welcome back to The Holiday Bonus. As you know, The Holiday Bonus focuses on the best tangible benefit of hiring a Spaniard: additional holidays (and, ergo, holiday office parties). Last time we focused on Wizard Kings Day. This time we're going local. In Avilés, where Dídima comes from, it's a big day today. August 28th commemorates their patron saint, St. Augustine, and caps off a week of festival-ing.

So why a festival based around St. Augustine? Well, we can thank America for this one. See, in 1565 Pedro Menéndez was vacationing in the Caribbean and accidentally crashed into Florida. So he decided to start a city, which is now the oldest surviving European-founded city in the US. There were actually some French people there already, but he was on strict orders from the king to murder them (seriously). He royally effed up their settlement, took it over, and then killed off the Frenchies, which led to the inlet that area being named Matanzas. Which is Spanish for "slaughter" (seriously).

Menéndez needed a name for his new city though, and didn't know what to call it. Then he realized, "oh, wait, I'm super Catholic, I know." He looked up the date on his Saint Calendar (standard issue) and saw it was the feast day of San Agustín. Since he was in future-America now he used English though, and boom, St. Augustine was born. (Naming it for a saint atones for murdering 300-plus people, right? ...Right? Guys?) His exploits made Pedro Menéndez the coolest bro to come out of Avilés, so the city's patron saint accordingly became Augustine.

(seriously.)

How do Avilesinos (peeps from Avilés) celebrate nowadays? They do everything they can think of. The holiday is built around going out with your friends to the various events all week leading up to Aug. 28, like a beer festival, a livestock competition, a medieval market, concerts, sports tourneys, and kids' activities. It all ends with a sweet fireworks display (St. Augustine was a known pyro).

Avilés: the only place with fireworks and rainbows. At night.

All this begs the question, how can we turn it into an office party?

The Costumes
None required. St. Augustine just wants the people to have a good time. If you want to pay respect to the city though (and why wouldn't you, since they're hooking you up with another way to do less work in the summer), you should try for the traditional costume of the region Avilés is in, Asturias:

The pony: status symbol.

The Libations
Did we mention there was a beer fest? Also recommended is Asturias's regional specialty, sidra (which is hard apple cider). When in comes to sidra, it's not just what you're drinking, but how you're drinking it. Proper pouring is a must. Like so:

'90s long-sleeve shirt optional.

The Food
Nothing specifically, but on basically any occasion in Asturias/Spain you're going to eat some sort of dried pork sausage. The Spanish have more cured meat than Magic Johnson's head. Most of it is hard to find in the US, so nobody will be mad if you get a platter from the neighborhood Italian deli. At the beer fest in Avilés they make these sorta sub sandwiches with a bunch of exotic meats like wild boar and deer too. (Again, nobody will will discount you for putting some salami on a roll.)

The Activities
Just have a good time. In Avilés they go do fun stuff all week. So have a live performance in the office. Bring out a cured meat smorgasbord. Organize a basketball tournament against the AEs. Try to find some Mahou or San Miguel or Estrella Damm cervezas, and chill some cider. Find those leftover bottle rockets from the 4th and take them to the roof. Whatever you do, make sure it's in the name of St. Augustine. It's what he would have wanted.

(...But please, no killing French people. It's simply gone out of fashion.)

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SPANISH ART DIRECTORS PROSPECTUS 2011

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By Foreign Talent Specialist and Art Expert guest blogger Daniel J. Ahern

Good day, fine person. As you may recall from a previous post, I am an art buyer. And as such, I hardly need to remind you that my opinion in matters of taste and worth commands absolute respect and admiration.

Today I would like to lend my services to all you headhunters, recruiters, creative managers, creative directors, executive creative directors and chief creative officers out there. Being involved in such a field as you are, where talent is at a premium and instincts, style and ability cannot be replicated, it is often difficult to find the right candidate for the position of art director.

But lament not, for I endeavor to assist you. Nay, I endeavor to pretty much do all the work for you. You see, one of my areas of expertise is adjudicating Spanish talent. Therefore, for your extreme benefit, I have compiled this survey of Spanish creatives that will help you find the one you need to move your agency swiftly forward in inimitable directions. And I have included only the best.

I present, the Spanish Art Directors Prospectus 2011

Diego Velázquez

Hallmarks: Baroque movement; gifted technically; beautiful portraiture

Greatest Strength: Execution. Velázquez became very influential to realists because of his disgustingly awesome skills with the brush. Before photographers existed, either you sold a product without any models, or you got Velázquez to paint some for you.

Best Known For: Las Meninas (English: The Rich Midget-Girls), which impressively featured Velázquez himself, making it not just a recruitment poster for palace servants but also an ad for ol' Diego.

Availability: Dead.

Francisco Goya

Hallmarks: Romantic movement; boldness; political involvement; bridge between the old school and the new school

Greatest Strength: Making a statement. Goya couldn't be held down by the man. For instance, his work La Maja Desnuda (English: Majorly Nude!) was of a naked chick laying on some pillows. Since it wasn't framed in any mythical or religious context, it was the first time anybody did a nude just 'cause. It's widely believed the prase "Sex sells, bro!" is attributable to Goya.

Best Known For: El Tres de Mayo (English: The Mayonnaise Treasure). Like Velázquez, Goya's work was a recruitment poster too, but this time for the French Army, who needed volunteers to go on killing sprees in Spain. (Notably, karma was bitch for the French.)

Availability: Dead.

Pablo Picasso

Hallmarks: Just giving up and doing whatever. Which is turns out is cool.

Greatest Strength: Dynamism. Picasso started out doing real-looking stuff, but changed styles frequently. The crazier he got, the more people dug him. Considered a founder of thinking outside the box, which is fitting (or paradoxical?) as he pioneered cubism.

Best Known For: Tough to say, as Picasso played with more styles in his career than Christina Aguilera. But probably Guernica (English: AHH!). Knowing his hipster audience, Picasso ironically did Guernica in black and white even though, like, all the colors were available. It's an ad for a Bavarian summer camp, so he ironically made it about Germans bombing Spain. (Notably, karma was a bitch for the Germans.)

Availability: Dead.

Salvador Dalí

Hallmarks: Surrealist movement; crazy mustache movement; subliminal/hidden images; general craziness; being sorta full of himself

Greatest Strength: Publicity. Dalí knew how to create a "Wow!" moment, whether it was giving a lecture dressed in a diver's suit, making a dream sequence for a Hitchcock film, unveiling a mind-bending painting with hidden images, or selling books using fantastic titles like The Secret Life of Salvador Dalí and Diary of a Genius (copywriting bonus!). One time somebody beat Dalí to a cool idea for a film, so he one-upped the guy by knocking over the projector in the middle of the screening, claiming, “My idea for a film is exactly that, and I was going to propose it to someone who would pay to have it made. I never wrote it down or told anyone, but it is as if he had stolen it." His idea of intellectual property (another quote: "He stole my dreams!") evidently reached further than anybody else's, ever. Also, he made a Lobster Telephone.

Best Known For: The Persistence of Memory (English: The Persistence of Memory), a piece for a watch salesman. It's the first known ad to use the technique of arousing interest by making the product look really shitty; a method still used today by Olive Garden.

Availability: Insanely Dead.

Dídima Arrieta Martinez

Hallmarks: Blending hand-done and computer techniques; craftiness (in all senses); idea-centric work; inventiveness; layouts; hair accessories

Greatest Strength: Tenacity. Dídima widely regarded as trying and working harder than anybody else. She hates "fake" things, so even in the Photoshop age she usually prefers to use her hands somehow to come up with looks that can't be duplicated. (Techniques employed have included stenciling, sewing, Xacto-knifing, spray painting, drawing, messing with scanners/copiers, and more.) She's unsatisfied until both the idea and execution are original.

Best Known For: Although she's been In-Book (D&AD 2011) for an Aviva campaign and won an Addy for her work on Running of the Bulls (and recognized with several Student awards), there isn't a consensus opinion on her best work. I personally vote for André champagne because I happen know the writer.

Availability: Immediate (but time-restrictive). Secure her as soon as possible or you may have to wait over a year before she can return to the US. As an art expert, I highly urge you to jump on this one. Primarily because of her immense talent, but also because, for her peers, corpse reanimation is prohibitively expensive at the moment.)